Life Lessons Learned in IRC
The following conversation just took place in the tech IRC channel. I’m sharing it here because, well, it amused the hell out of me, so maybe it will amuse someone else out there. I should point out that we’re techies, so we can get away with the kind of things that are said here, and while it’s nowhere near being NSFW, just a word of caution: We like the swear words.
This all started because the topic for the channel was originally “<Matt> are you familiar with the Human Centipede?“, which stemmed from a conversation about… uhh… I forget what it was about. Probably something that had nothing to do with the Human Centipede, at any rate.
My contributions have been marked in blue.
(10:37:49 AM) dlc has changed the topic to: rickyduck is afraid of the human centipede
(10:37:58 AM) frank: lol
(10:38:06 AM) adam: It’s a start
(10:40:00 AM) dlc has changed the topic to: The three most dangerous things are a programmer with a soldering iron, a manager who codes, and a user who gets ideas.
(10:40:21 AM) rickyduck: dlc++
(10:40:57 AM) miguel [~Adium@windowsrocket.globe.com] entered the room.
(10:43:33 AM) Matt: I always thought the most dangerous thing would be a dinosaur who is also a vampire.
(10:43:39 AM) Matt: I mean, seriously, how do you fight that?
(10:44:19 AM) dan: with a large caliber weapon
(10:44:45 AM) Matt: You ever shoot a Dracula? Doesn’t end well.
(10:45:49 AM) adam: Catapult?
(10:47:14 AM) dan: that shoots silver infused water ballons
(10:47:40 AM) adam: Silver is fucking werewolves, asshole
(10:47:45 AM) adam: A Ballista: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ballista
(10:48:05 AM) dan: silver is vampires too, dick
(10:48:16 AM) dan: have younot watched true blood enough
(10:48:39 AM) adam: Too busy staring at Bill’s naked ass to notice much else.
(10:48:56 AM) adam: Yeah, you’re right, I suck.
(10:49:31 AM) rickyduck: vampires suck.
(10:49:47 AM) Rosado: this is kinda old, but it will break up all the swear words in IRC for a bit http://www.thewildernessdowntown.com/
(10:49:48 AM) Matt: True Blood vampires don’t count for this experiment.
(10:50:00 AM) rickyduck: vampire weekend sucks too, for that matter.
(10:50:23 AM) rickyduck: arcade fire does not however
(10:50:28 AM) Matt: And neither do those twinkly-sparkly Twilight kids.
(10:50:34 AM) Matt: (Do not count, I mean)
(10:50:52 AM) Matt: I’m talking manly vampires here.
(10:50:58 AM) Matt: Like a Nosferatusaurus, or some shit.
(10:51:31 AM) adam: Matt++
(10:51:34 AM) Rosado: Artie Lange had an uncle dying of cancer who stayed home watching TV all day towards the end, and got addicted to Buffy the Vampire slayer. Artie desc him as an old-school Italian. His summary of the show was “It;’s about a Jew broad who fights Draculas”
(10:51:58 AM) dd: or Stephen King’s new American Vampire
(10:53:03 AM) Matt: Listen, vampire dinosaurs do not sit around getting all emo about their complex relationships because they’re GODDAMNED DINOSAURS.
(10:53:37 AM) dan: i would think herbivore dinosaurs would be a little emo
(10:53:48 AM) dan: they eat fucking trees for heaven’s sake
(10:54:11 AM) Matt: Modern vampires are all like, “I’m a vampire and she’s a human, and our love is not meant to beeeeeeeeeeeeee!” and then listen to Evanescence and blog about their pain.
(10:54:26 AM) Matt: Dinosaur vampires would be “WHAT IS THAT IT LOOKS DELICIOUS HOLY SHIT I’M GONNA EATS IT!”
(10:54:31 AM) Matt: And there is no blogging.
(10:54:38 AM) Matt: Because they have tiny little arms that can’t reach the keyboard.
(10:54:58 AM) dan: i think my herbivore argument is still valid
(10:55:37 AM) Matt: Pfft. Who takes vegans seriously?
(10:55:57 AM) Matt: This ain’t Scott Pilgrim. No magic powers or all that.
(10:56:09 AM) Matt: Just teeth, and bloodlust, and the extinct undead.
(10:57:09 AM) dan: so only some dinosaurs are legit?
(10:57:21 AM) Matt: Dinosaurs are incredibly racist, Dan.
(10:57:21 AM) dan: wouldn’t that create an awkward ower struggle?
(10:57:30 AM) dan: slowly killing the collective from the inside?
(10:58:19 AM) Matt: You might think that those are snow-covered peaks in the distance, but really its a bunch of Brontosaurus at a Klan meeting.